Hanging By The Wire
Hanging By The Wire - Picture taken by me (Paradox)

Life is weirdly difficult for me to love. Despite me preaching about “self-love”, improvement and breaking out of the loop shit, the joke’s on me always.

I am again reminded of a quote from Watchmen:

Heard joke once: Man goes to a doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. The doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am Pagliacci.

This has always been the case with me. I don’t know what you feel about me and all these abstract things I write, mostly about life and how bizarre a life can be. But just know that there’s always a story beneath a fake smile. There’s some seriousness going down within a sarcasm, especially when life is nothing but a big satire to you. I know, you have your own struggles and every struggle is as important as others. But then, as an individual, people are biased towards thinking that their struggles are the greatest one and wished they could live someone else’s life. If only they could swap life with others. But that’s just a coping mechanism to the ever-increasing dark side of their mind-cave.

For me, it’s simple: life is a synonym to miseries and struggles. Yes! No matter how much you preach about someone else’s goals, ambitions and giving supervision on their paths, you are always the one to contemplate on how much suffering you really have. How much lost you are. Let alone you might not even have some definite goals. That can’t be neglected, even if you are in isolation of some kind. Your family thinks you are sitting in front of the screen, staring into the void, doing nothing. And then there’s your mind-cave. It is so fucking bizarre that sometimes you feel cringy to even put a step into its door. But then, it’s yours. Just know that there reside many zones within this mind-cave of yours that I have been writing some serious shit relating to this for a year now (and it has got more than 20 fucking pages). I am not even going to talk about disappointment this time, because that’s inevitable in some ways. This time, it’s about how much understanding you are felt by the people around. You are here trying to find yourself among these words I have written, for whom you might even try to sympathize upon. Maybe you are here in all seriousness to think that my life is a matter of case-study. Just know that every life is a matter of significance given enough observation to look upon, details upon details.

Alienation. That’s what it is right now in my mind. You might understand that too. I know. You are also alienated in some ways, in some forms. I just know that and I am here among these combinations of letters that are typed with pressing chains of events that have been unfolding throughout my uncanny life. Whether you believe or not, alienation has been the hardest zone in your mind-cave, in my mind-cave. You feel lost for which you try to put abstractions onto. But abstractions are leaky no matter how insignificant they are. The world might even preach to not take life seriously. But that might just be hyperbole, an abstract frivolous statement imposed by the world. No matter what sort of words, thought processes, speeches you come across, they all converge to an asymptote — life’s full of miseries and struggles. That’s inevitable.

Alienation. Yes! It’s alienation — one of the zones in your mind-cave. You feel you are some kind of superficial entity pondering about changes — of beliefs, of societies, of family. Moreover of individualism in introspective. You feel you are either far ahead of the current society whose air you are breathing or you aren’t mature enough to accommodate the pedantic processes in that society. What happens when you feel your own family fails to realize what’s going on in your mind of make-believe? What happens when you feel the people around you don’t recognize your dreams of changes? You feel almost alienated by the barriers of thoughts that provoke you to emerge out of the shell to the fallback thought processes that you aren’t able to get hold of. I think Plato’s allegory of the cave is relevant to be mentioned here. In more ways, we are all hopeless to comprehend the realm outside of this society, this ZONE. Perhaps, it’s the fear. Wait. It is the manifestation of fear that lurks in the shallow corners of the contemporary mindset. People are eaten by other people in this zone we are living in.

Whatever the fuck everyone thinks about you, there’s always a shadow in your psyche — the unknown dark side of the personality as Carl Jung puts it. You might feel like a silhouette in the darkness. Yes! You thought it correctly. To truly understand the necessity of light, you should have encounters with darkness in whatever manner you can. Because, despite happiness being a “thing” that you strive for, just know that it’s not perennial. And that’s the greatest rule to life itself. You might even be tempted to leave everything around, not getting attached to anything or anyone that you are to encounter. But that’s not going anywhere either. Just know that you are attached to your own “self”, your own shadow. Before I leave these “unmatched” words of mine at a cliff-hanger, I am reminded of a quote by Carl Jung:

The most intense conflicts, if overcome, leave behind a sense of security and calm that is not easily disturbed.

Just think about these words I have tried to put together. These might resonate with you or may be completely out of sync. Whatever it is, let me impose the only question in my life that I feel satisfied (and tethered) with:

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Other Things You Might Feel Alienated About