Imagine a tunnel just big enough for you to fit in. You go inside with all the fear and anxiety. When you come out from the other side, you feel something different, something is out of place for you — the time is different, yet significantly cooler than it was. That’s right. It’s like you went through a series of metamorphosis. All the constriction you had. All the narrow mindedness you had been living in. These all pass by like a fart and you feel like you aren’t someone who you were. The tunnel —a synonym to that box from Spongebob Squarepants where everything was possible inside. :)
That’s right. I haven’t really felt a dog-damn farewell shit in my whole life. Not that I am the normal kind of “emotional” guy. I am not empathetic towards even the saddest of the incidents and the happiest of the moments in my life. But today, I felt something. I felt this weird sensation that I have come a long way and still so much to do — so many things I am left with to do. This idea has been haunting me like forever. But today was different.
Today. I am sad. Not that kind of “sad”. It’s the “happy” kind of sad. Today has been my last day of my first official full-time job. 14 months of full time job in a company is short, I guess. But to the guy that is so much restless in terms of domains, thoughts and actions, this was too much — it was too long. It’s not that I cling to something for a long time. Not even my “imaginary” crushes get to cling in my mind for that much long. coughs. But I am happy that I have touched at least some people in this time span. I am happy I have connected to few people around who value me — I value them deeply too. I am happy that we have got to exist in each other’s life. Not that existence itself is a “fun” moment. Trust me existence is a pain, a double-edged sword where your own thoughts haunt you day and night for doing something that you had done and something you haven’t done, yet.
People need people
Yes. I always believe people need people — except when your best friend is a dog in the street and you can’t afford to adopt him in your house for some uncanny reason. Yes, people help people. People have rage against people. People murder people. People love people. People frustrate people. Above all, people is what people need. Some come into your life like a gentle breeze, touching your mind (and heart sometimes) and leaving with this deep fragrance I cannot yet describe. At other times, people come like a parasite seeping your life, taking advantages of your skills, of your helpfulness and your introvert-ness and innocence — I hate these kinds of people. And sometimes, people come, stick with you long enough to see your pain, see your happiness and talk about things I like to whine about — of life, love and shit.
No matter how you see the existence — from the quantum physics to the vastness of the universe and your own insignificance — you, I, we and everything will eventually crumble. But before this grand event of space-time continuum, everything (living beings) wishes to do something — something they feel (and might feel) proud of. I have always seen existence in a more negative of negation like that optimistic nihilism. I know you and I will disappear into the oblivion but before that we ought to be proud of our own lives. No matter what you will do, it’s all for nothing. But, eventually every dream has its seed, its root and its germination in entirety depends on what kind of environment you wish to live in. The choice is yours. Whom do you trust. Where you wish to grow. Where you wish to be in this ever expanding tunnel of life. Every life seems significant at its own level. But, for what? Make your choice. You will crumble. Your dreams will cease someday.
Dreams dreams everywhere but not a single one to cling to
I am not sad as I have mentioned. But there are moments in your life where you have to make certain decisions (and maybe a chain of decision) that carve your upcoming path. It’s about choices that matter in the long run. Nobody is a clairvoyant in this long “short burst” journey.
It’s about whether you are living someone else’s life or moving on with your own dreams. The choice is yours.
It’s not that you can control time (and life). But it’s definitively adventurous to try out your own mind — getting lost in your mind cave.
I am not who I was and I will not be who I am
Yup. I was a different person back in the school. I changed during my college days. And I definitely explored new ways of life in my engineering days. Then, getting involved in a company for a year — that’s something I hadn’t planned. I have changed. I know it. From being that shy, introvert, egoistic, “minding his own business” person to being occasionally extrovert, helping others, to talking about life, love and shit — going into Deep Meaningful Conversation (DMC) — I have changed. Yup. I know. People that have been sticking with me for this long know it. They definitely have felt it and so do I. But that’s that.
Change is inevitable.
Endless streak of life
Today. I have gone a little overboard and become sentimental than I normally do. But this is life. What I am proud is that I have stood up for my own life, for my own dreams and is able to take some life-changing decisions for my family and friends.
I have always been an “alone” kind of guy. I love solitude — getting lost in my primitive mind cave. But since I started getting in touch to awesome people, I have started to get more broadened perspective of a life, an individual, a group, a community and the world in itself.
This is the sound of life.
Cheers to my 23 years (just a random number) of existence. Just an ordinary life in an ordinary world full of extra-ordinary lives.