Remembrance

Posted on June 16, 2019
Last Edited on June 16, 2019
3 mins read
Tags: writing life memoir change

Remember the time when you were out there on a cricket field, wicket-keeping and suddenly your mouth bled like someone invisible is sipping life right from you?

Remember the time when your parents brought you a new computer without letting you know how stressful it was for earning money?

Remember the time when you looked up into the clouds and contemplated things for the first time?

Remember the time when you were sad for the first time because you were hopeless on things you didn’t have control over?

Remember the time when you returned home from school, with an empty stomach because getting money was hard?

Remember the time when you first got rid of your fear of dogs and realized no-one is bad and evil, for only that depends on perspective?

Remember the time when you read your very first sci-fi and non-sci-fi books all invoking these mysterious thoughts that still lurk within your mind-cave?

Remember the time when you got bullied just because you looked a bit weird?

Remember. Just remember. That was a decade ago. Fast forward to few years into the future. Your very first day of engineering and you were still as puzzled as you are now — feeling fear and excitement to this new chapter of your life. Remember the time when you thought you knew things, and realized that knowledge is just a pre-fetched illusion that would get lost if not given proper care? Remember the time when you were rendered hopeless on subjects that didn’t interest you? Remember the time when you went underground to improve your own self?

generative-art
A generative art from my library Panim[1]

Remember. Just remember. Take a long deep breath. Feel the molecules vibrating with synergies that divide and un-divide your ego simultaneously. Feel the memories of you when you did fine in exams despite not knowing anything. Just remember the things that felt good. Remember the time when you were naive and closed-minded; thought you could do anything in your life because you were so caught up in the streams of other people’s lives that you forgot what it meant to be you. The feeling of your first emptiness in your life. A decade-long struggle for the existence of personal identity. Excruciating pain from the surgery. The remarkableness of your vacuous thoughts. Just remember them.

Fast forward to the final year of your engineering and your emptiness heightens. You lose hold of the world around — the people, the feelings, the connections around, especially with the past. You are lost somewhere — in time, in place, in mood and in thoughts of your own “self”. You are under, yet another metamorphosis.

This is just a remembrance to all those memories of you when you thought life would be okayish and still, you have no clue on what you are going to do the next time you wake up after a restless night! This is an ode to all those interests you had which have faded into oblivion.

Life is beautiful and joyous during childhood. As children, we think we can conquer the world, but somewhere between childhood and adulthood, our enthusiasm to dream big are squashed.

Fast forward to Today. Remember I am here. Remember you are here. Remember the recent times of you with someone around - an aurora of some form. That feels good in an everlasting mysteries of life and the universe. That’s okay, Nish. I know. We know. We know each other, I guess. You have turned out to be the same weird guy who calls himself a Paradox, but a little sturdy. Well! Sometimes it gets shaken by crises heightened by some form of cosmic vibrations. The time is different now. You are to hit your mid-20s and feel like you are having a mid-life crisis. That’s a bit early I suppose. You think you have had it enough. But then you aren’t losing hope, I know. Hang in there. Explore. Keep on experiencing the world around you. Don’t be disappointed. Everything will be fine! Just have trust in me. I am waiting for your letter somewhere in the near future. Till then! Sayonara!

Other Entities You Might Remember, Perhaps!